Beginnings always hide themselfs in the End…
…that’s all I knew when I left home this Summer.
Honestly, I don’t like to dissapoint someone and I’m aware of the fact, that I might do by writing this. Let me tell you, that I totally get if you’re disappointed in me or my performance. Why? ‘Cause that’s the normal way it goes I guess.. You believe in someone or something and than you realise, that it’s “failing”. That’s when you get disappointed ’cause you’ve been putting your trust in it and you believed! You might even donated money to me and you’re worried about whats happening with it now.. Don’t worry. It will still be used for what I was planning using it for!
A freshwater-well in Gulu, Uganda!
This has been a really hard decision, trust me. It has been the most difficult decision on this whole Journey. And when I look back, I had a few really difficult calls to make. But at the end it always turned out to be good, because I decided out of MY feelings.
This Project really helped me a lot to get closer to myself. It helped me to grow and to develop. Even though I’m really happy about the fact of going home, seeing all my friends and my family, it feels weird going there soon. While I was planning all of this, I realised how many incredible and helpfull people I already knew before actually leaving. And know, just a few months later, there are so many more people I can count on!
The most important thing to know for all of you is, that IT’S STILL MY GOAL NUMBER ONE, TO REALISE THE BUILD OF THE FRESHWATER-WELL! I will keep working for it and I have a few good ideas how WE can still realise it. I will share these Ideas in time!
As I always have been, I want to be honest with you again. I’m definitely not trying to make things up, why I’m gonna stop this Journey. It’s not because I’m scared of cycling through Turkey, Iran, Pakistan or even India. I cycled through 7 countries I’ve never been to before. I’m not scared of cycling or being alone anymore. I’m not scared of camping in the wild, in heavy rain or even without a tent. I’m not scared about a night without food, a week without a shower, getting bitten by a dog, freezing while sleeping, sweating abnormally or to find nine little puppies. I experienced all of it. And I made the best out of it. I will stop my Journey because of the puppies I found a few weeks ago. That might be clear to some of you but I assume that not everyone can follow my decision. You might think it’s a little silly to give up something this big for something that small. But that’s the point! Without any lies, that’s why I’m gonna go home. To find these little creatures was a gift. I spend three incredible and really intense weeks with them. This incident made something with me, my personality, my feelings and this Journey, I wasn’t expecting at all. Currently all I do, is thinking about the Dogs. When I’m shopping, cleaning, cooking or while I’m asleep. I think about them all the time. And I don’t want to ignore it any longer. If that’s what I feel, that’s what I have to do. I want to be there when they get picked up. I want to be there when they go to their new homes. I want to see it with my own eyes. I want to see them with my own eyes. I can’t do anything about these feelings. They are with me and I won’t ignore them any longer.
The well will be build, so there is no need to risk or force anything. I prooved a lot to myself, which makes this decision a little easier.
After my bike accident I thought my trip is already coming to an end. In Berlin, I had issues with my knees. The Czech Republic was difficult out of different reasons. Some privat stuff was going on and cycling these hills was a pain. It was really hot, I was sweating a lot and everything was just really new to me. Camping in the wild, always on the look for food, water and not knowing where you go. It took me a lot to get used that kinda Life-Style. It’s really not as easy as you might think. Poland was mentaly a big challenge. Visiting the memorial of the KZ Ausschwitz-Birkernau was definetly one of the hardest things I’ve done during my time traveling. The heavy and cold Rain in Slovakia gave me the chance to grow a lot. Honestly, I hate rain! But what I hate even more is to cycle through it!! And I had to do it for hours! I mean nobody forced me doing it.. except for myself! I just had to ’cause this was my chance! It was my chance to face it and to grow! So I stood up and cycled 80km through the rain.. and I did it every fucking day.. most of the time I actually did 100km everyday.. I wont forget the feeling I had at the end of theses rainy days! Such a satisfying feeling! I also wont forget to take my wet tent appart.. yak! I hated it! But nothing could stop me! To quit came only into my mind because of all these new and uncomfortable circumstances. I forced myself to keep going which turned out being the right decision and I’m proud of the things I’ve done during that time.
Now, close to 3000km later, things feel different. Compared to back than, my feelings truly feel authentic. Cyclingbeyondblue is not coming to an end, that’s for sure!
So what do I worry about? I’m not worried about the ones, who just follow this Journey to get entertained. I’m not worried about the ones who want to see me failing anyways. I’m also not worried about my friends or my family. I’m worried about the ones, who don’t know me but still donated. I’m worried about the ones, who put their trust in me. I’m worried about the ones who believed in the Project and in me as the face of it. I’m worried about the ones who reached out to me, showing me their support in any kinda way!
As I alreday mentioned, it’s still my goal to relaise the freshwater-well! And I know that we’ll gonna make it doesn’t matter how! In addition: It shouldn’t be only my personal interest to realise the well.
Remember what Ghandi once said: “You must be the change you want to see in the world.” So THIS IS YOUR CHANCE, to actually be the change!
Even though this Project is not coming to an End, I want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! It means a lot to me to see what we’ve created here over the past months! And I’m truly thankful for everything I experienced until now! And I’m really happy that you have been taking part in all of this!
Still, I kindly want to remind you, that I did my personal best. Every day of it has been a crazy and unique experience. I had to cross my personal limits every day. Remember where I started and what I’ve accomplished.. I never cycled more than 14km in my entire life before. My best was 135km btw. But most important is, to keep in mind, that I actually started. I went for it. Without any clue about what I’m doing but with a lot of personal expactaions. To help you a little with the feelings you might feel right now, I’ve collected a few Options of how you can act now. So I guess you can choose between the following:
- Judge me for failing
- congratulate for trying
- unfollow and forget about it
- donate to help building the freshwater-well
- a mix between 2. and 4. – so we’er all happy 😉
One more thing. I’m not sad about my decison actually, ’cause I made the call out of a strong feeling. I won’t change my feelings or force myself to continue something without having a good feeling about doing it. Please try to find your respect for it.
STILL, I WANT TO BUILD THE WELL AND NOW
I REALLY NEED ALL OF YOU
TO MAKE THIS COME TRUE!
fair winds to all of you,